Its been awhile.

Its been awhile, so why start up again?  Why do this thing?  There are deadlines and paperwork still to fill out.  That doesn't even begin to deal with the very real issue of sleep.  Why stay up late and write this?  Simple, this is what I do.  Its what I love to do.  Hopefully, I will keep up with it.

I have been finding, of recent, that my life has lost some semblance of the order which it used to possess.  I do not mean that I am crazy or overcome with doubt, but that in my pursuit of what should be done, I have been negligent in what must be done.  I have been trying far too hard to be humble and in that pursuit, I have lost sight of humility.  I have become, in effect, pointless.  Books I want to read gather on my shelves unread along side books I am supposed to be reading.  Professors ask me to write essays that are supposed to get at the root of me, but they ask me to go too deep on my soul too quickly.  We ask a lot of people in essays describing themselves; but as much as Americans are portrayed as swaggering braggarts, we are really quite self-effacing.  Perhaps most of us Americans have bought into a myth that we are constantly having to write introductory letters to apply for being most awesome in the world?  I still think we are the best, perhaps not so much because of our latest accomplishments, but rather because of our potential.

That seems like the best reason to write a blog: potentiality.  I read over my old blogs (from the site I can't seem to access anymore), and think about how it sounds.  I like that writer.  I like his style and his insights.  It isn't pride to think one is genuinely talented in some field.  I don't really know what it is.  I don't know that author anymore and I want to know him again.  He seemed to say things and talk about things that really matter; and in the end the real American wants to matter and write about things that matter.  I want to be that person.  I don't want to be some person who sits on the sidelines because he thinks he is being too proud if he goes in.  I don't want to be that person whose essays and points are driven by due dates.  I want to be the person who rights about something because it matters.  Life matters.  The stupid stuff one did today matters.  So, while a lot has changed since I wrote last; a lot has stayed the same.  The world still matters.

Yet the one thing I will say is this, I need this.  I didn't know how much I needed it then, but I realize that it is something that has been dreadfully missing in my life.  I miss speaking.  I miss being a participant.  I miss being in the game.  Its been awhile, time to forget about false humility, and get in there and do what I do well.  Its time to write again.